Genuine. Quirky. Rootsy.
LYRICS
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1. HE CAME TO OUR TOWN
2. BILL & ANNIE
3. DOCK ELLIS' NO-NO
4. RADIO
5. A TOAST TO THE WOMAN IN THE HOLLER
6. DANGEROUS TIMES
7. LILI'S BRAIDS
8. OLD SONG HANDED DOWN
9. THE MAN WHO BLEW KISSES
10. THE 9:30 PINT
11. ARMITAGE SHANKS
12. TAKE IT OUT BACK
13. THE COME HERES AND THE BEEN HERES
14. TREES FALLING
15. LA MIGRA VIENE
16. LETTERS IN THE DIRT
17. TALK TO MY LAWYER
18. TWO LEFT FEET
19. WE ARE EACH OTHER'S ANGELS
20. OUR G-DS
21. THE BOYS IN THE BACK ROOM
22. ON CHRISTMAS I GOT NOTHING
23. THE GOODBYE KID
24. BLOW 'EM AWAY
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1. He Came To Our Town
He came to our town
For maybe an hour
The streets all got swept
And they planted some flowers
Babies he kissed
To the people he waved
And he stopped
At a Civil War General’s grave
He struck just the right pose
He hit just the right chord
When he spoke of the family
And then of the Lord
He addressed the concerns
Of the common man
And he spoke of the glory
Of this mighty land
He had just the right color
His smile was fixed
His wardrobe assembled
From a bagful of tricks
He had gobs of make-up
Caked on his face
Starch in his collar
Every hair was in place
His wife stood beside him
His daughter did too
And behind them, a flag
With the red, white, and blue
Balloons from the rafters
Fell to the floor
Oh, Happy Days
Were gonna be here once more
He could sell you a war
He could revoke your rights
And still come off as your friend
In the camera lights
He’ll run negative ads
If he has to to win
He’ll go back on his word
He’ll shed his old skin
He said all the right words
Quoted Bob Dylan songs
He sounded hip
Even though he quoted them wrong
His closets were cleaned
And his history revised
So his record would be spotless
To most people’s eyes
I wasn’t touched
By this guy in the least
He was no savior
Nor was he the beast
I have to admit
That they staged a good show
It was all reminiscent
Of four years ago
He came to our town
For maybe an hour
The streets all got swept
And they planted some flowers
Babies he kissed
To the people he waved
And he stopped
At a Civil War General’s grave
And after an hour
They whisked him away
Things went back to normal
Over two or three days
The homeless returned
To living outside
And the flowers that got planted
All wilted and died
He came to our town
For maybe an hour
The streets all got swept
And they planted some flowers
2. Bill & Annie
We stopped for peaches at a little roadside stand
Man said his name was Bill, I said “I’m Chuck and this is Annie”
He said Annie was the one & only true love of his life
They met at his wedding but by then he had a wife
It was during the reception in the Spring of ‘64
She, his newlywed’s best friend, followed him out the ballroom door
Maybe his ring got smaller, maybe his finger swelled
Maybe he’d made a big mistake, and maybe time would tell
Bill asked, “Do you feel what I feel?” and Annie said, “I do”
Bill was at a loss, wondering now what should he do
He did what he had to, he’d just taken a wife
She would take good care of him for the rest of her life
Bill & Annie fought the urge, they saw each other often
She was there in black the day Bill’s wife lay in her coffin
By then she’d gotten married, by then she’d moved away
She’d asked Bill for his blessings and he’d said it was ok
Bill said, “Taste the peaches,” and he cut us each a slice
They were a little on the small side, but they sure tasted nice
“Do you think I did the right thing?” Bill asked, though I knew he knew
So I answered with a question, I asked him, “Bill, do you?”
Bill said, “Annie, pleased to meet you, it was nice to meet you Chuck”
And Annie & I, we drove away in Annie’s pick-up truck
With a box of twenty peaches, a homegrown tomato too
And a couple of things to think about, and every now and then I do...
I do
3. Dock Ellis’s No-No
It was a lovely summer’s morning
An off-day in LA
So thought one Dock Ellis
As he would later say
His girlfriend read the paper
She said, “Dock, this can’t be right...
It says here that you’re pitching
In San Diego tonight”
“Got to get you to the airport”
And so off Dock Ellis flew
His legs were a little bit wobbly
And the rest of him was too
Took a taxi to the ballpark
An hour before the game
Gave some half-assed explanation
Found the locker with his name
The organ in the upper deck
Played all the schmaltzy hits
You could hear it in the club house
Where Dock was getting dressed
His sunglasses he reached for
From his locker, in a case
Dock Ellis pulled his jersey on
Then he put them on his face
Time came to go on out there
Down the corridor
The walls were a little bit wavy
There were ripples in the floor
He went out to the bullpen
To do a bunch of stretches
Loosen up a little
Throw his warm-up pitches
All rose for the national anthem
People took off their hats
Fireworks were exploding
The cokes were already going flat
Dock was back there in the dugout
So many things to watch
Some players spit tobacco juice
Others grabbed their crotch
The umpire hollered, “Play Ball!”
And so it came to be
Dock’s Pirates batted first
And when they went down 1-2-3
Dock’s catcher put his mask on
And he handed Dock the ball
It was 327 feet
To the right & left field walls
The Pirates took the field then
And Dock stood on the rubber
He bounced a couple of pitches
And then he bounced a couple others
You might say about that day
He looked a little wild
The lead-off batter trembled
Nobody knew why Dock Ellis smiled
You walk 8 and you hit a guy
The things that people shout...
Especially your manager
But he didn’t take Dock out
Dock found himself a rhythm
And a crazy little spin
Amazing things would happen
When Dock Ellis zeroed in
Sometimes he saw the catcher
Sometimes he did not
Sometimes he held a beach ball
Other times it was a dot
Dock was tossing comets
That were leaving trails of glitter
At the 7th inning stretch
He still had a no-hitter
So he turned to Cash, his buddy
Said, “I got a no-no going”
Speaking the unspeakable
He went back out there throwing
Bottom of the ninth
& He stood high upon the mound
3 more outs to go
He’d have his name in Cooperstown
First up was Cannizzaro
Who flied out to Alou
Kelly grounded out for Dean
The shortstop yelled, “That’s two”
It must’ve been a mad house
The fans upon their feet
The littler ones among them
Standing on their seats
Next up would’ve been Herbel
But Spezio pinch-hit
He took a 3rd strike looking
And officially, that was it
It was a lovely summer’s morning
An off-day in LA
So thought one Dock Ellis
As he would later say
4. Radio
Anderson, South Carolina - TL Hanna High
The people there will tell you - ask any passerby
About the kid who speaks in gibberish - folks’ll tell you, “Shoot...
Wasn’t nothing but a little love and attention gave voice to a mute”
Who stood with his transistor - pressed against his ear
Picking up certain frequencies that only he could hear
There was this little man inside it - perhaps his only friend
The only one who’d talk to him - the only one back then
Coach Jones barked, “Come here, boy!” to this kid up in the stands
Who was mimicking him loudly - making gestures with his hands
The players on the football team exchanged uneasy glances
You jumped when Coach said to jump - but oh, how slow the boy was advancing
Coach Jones was pulling on the drawstrings on his hood
The kid, he spoke in gibberish -Coach, he understood
Lamb imitating lion - it sure looked like easy prey
But this is not what happened - no, it went the other way
This kid they nicknamed Radio was 18 going on 6
The team needed a water boy - and so the job was his
Coach convinced the principal to bend a couple rules
He’d pick up Radio every day - on his way to school
Everywhere that Coach Jones went his lamb was sure to go
They tried him out in Special Ed but his marks were too low
The kid’s now in his 50’s - his hair is sprinkled white
For 30 years he’s come to school - he cannot read or write
Come Football Fridays - they let Radio be the star
He falls in with the marching band and then with the color guard
He jumps when the cheerleaders jump - with pom poms on his hands
He cusses like the coaches do & he high fives with the fans
They give Radio report cards & they give him varsity letters
They let him wander freely in his TL Hanna sweater
He visits all the classrooms - and whenever there’s a test
He whips out his box of crayons - he tries his very best
Everyone knows Radio - the townspeople adore him
The students pat his head just like their parents did before them
Anderson, South Carolina...folks’ll tell you, “Shoot...
It wasn’t nothing but a little love and attention - gave voice to a mute
5. A Toast to the Woman in the Holler
Catherine’s boyfriend played saxophone
Catherine wanted a flute
There was one in the window of the music store That happened to be a real beaut
But Mummy couldn’t afford it
This much Catherine knew
Still, she stood there a few minutes dreaming Knowing it wouldn’t come true
Christmas time was coming
And Catherine had the blues
Her Mummy asked her what she wanted Catherine didn’t tell the truth
She knew there wasn’t the money
Not even for one to rent
The only thing Catherine really wanted
Was to play an instrument
Catherine cried for a month in her bedroom
When she had to quit the school band
The woman who lived in the holler
Heard about this secondhand
And the goodness gathered within her
And fluttered like butterflies
She in a vision released them
And she watched them take to the skies
And on a very cold night in December
Maybe the coldest night of the year
The woman who lives in the holler
Cried a few secret tears
For the last few moments of glory
And the glories that had been before
And the times it had been there to rescue her
She set her flute down by the door
People whisper about her
The locals say she’s a witch
Though she’d be the first to come help them
If they ever got stuck in a ditch
The candles she lights at her altar
They burn as a gesture of love
The kind they talk about in the churches
Yet they know so little of
It was one day just after Christmas
And Catherine wore her new hat
Her mom brought her out to the holler
The woman was there with her cats
Catherine had no idea
But someday maybe she would
That what she would soon be receiving
Was being given for a greater good
So here’s to the future of music
And here’s to the power of song
And here’s a toast to the woman in the holler
For passing these things along
The case was covered with stickers
And words that this woman had scrawled
From the magic places she’d been to
Trinkets from her own Mardi Gras
And it all meant nothing to Catherine
It wasn’t her story to tell
She’ll have her own words and stickers
Should she ever fall under the spell
So it’s Catherine’s turn now to hold her
Here’s hoping she’ll learn how to play
Maybe she’ll drop by the holler
To visit this woman some day
Maybe she’ll come with her boyfriend
The one who plays saxophone
Maybe they’ll play for the woman
A few things they made up on their own
So here’s to the sweet gift of music
Here’s to the power of song
And a toast to the woman in the holler
For passing these things along
6. Dangerous Times
There’s terror in our midst
They could be one of us
Behind you in the line
Beside you on the bus
Wearing camouflage
They might be wearing suits
The terrorists among us
Might be wearing army boots
These are dangerous times
People are afraid
No looking back at history
To see how enemies were made
Some dictators are bad
Some dictators are good
That’s a hard one to explain
But I wish somebody would
So let us all agree
Let us not dissent
Let us not ask questions such as
Where our freedoms went
We’ll just fly fly the flag
Sing G-d Bless America
Question people’s patriotism
Who don’t join in the hysteria
These are dangerous times
And so we lose our rights
While these terrorists among us
Do their dirty work at night
There isn’t time to read
The contents of the bills
That Congress votes for anyway
Up there on The Hill
There’s terror in our midst
It wears the good disguise
Fools a lot of people
They seem like such regular guys
Rewriting all the rules
You don’t have any say
In fact they even count on you
To look the other way
There’s terror in our midst
All over the tv
It’s what’s behind the words
That scares the daylights out of me
The twisting of the facts
The stretching of the truth
The terrorists among us
They manipulate the news
So let us all agree
Let us not dissent
Let us not ask questions such as
Where our freedoms went
We’re going to build them schools
We’re going to build them banks
We’re going to build them pipelines
From their fields to our tanks
My heart goes out to Johnny
Sent off into war
They convince him it’s for freedom
That he’d lay his life down for
My thoughts are often with him
I pray he comes home safe
And I pray for every innocent
Laid early in the grave
These are dangerous times
You might be overheard
Using one of whatever they’ve defined
As being a dangerous word
What if they don’t like your songs?
What if they don’t like your books?
What if you fit a profile
Based solely on your looks?
They listen to us talk
They read the things we write
They watch us all on cameras
They know where you were last night
They know where you stopped for gas
Which magazines you bought
Back in 1984
This was all just crazy talk
So let us all agree
Let us not dissent
Let us not ask questions such as
Where our freedoms went
Let’s have a look inside those pockets
Let’s have a look inside that purse
Let’s have a look inside that glove box
Or someplace maybe worse
And who was in your house
While you weren’t home
And looked in your computer
And through everything you own?
What did they want to know?
Which websites do you visit?
What have you learned about them?
They want to know - what is it?
So let us all agree
Let us not dissent
Let us not ask questions such as
Where our freedoms went
We’ll just fly fly the flag
Sing G-d Bless America
Question people’s patriotism
Who don’t join in the hysteria
7. Lili’s Braids
The house he was born in was only next door
His country had vanished, his people no more
Out in the garden some little boys played
He'd only come back to retrieve Lili’s braids
The neighbors were home, to their word they were true
They’d kept them safe like they said they would do
Despite any orders they might’ve obeyed
It was righteous of them to have kept Lili’s braids
Word had come down that the Germans were near
They had taken a village a few miles from here
There was no place to run, there was no place to hide
It was no longer safe to be going outside
Whispers of horrors, what they did to the Jews
Sorting into piles their clothing and shoes
At the railway station, shaving their heads
Taking the hair to make pillows and beds
Lili’s hair had never been cut
The curtains were drawn and the doors were shut
It had hung to her knees just moments before
The braids would be safe with the people next door
Lili’s mother quietly prayed
She said, “Come here child, don’t be afraid
I promise you one day we’ll pin them back on
After the war, when the soldiers are gone”
The house he was born in was only next door
Lili’s brother returned sometime after the war
They were all he had left...how heavy they weighed
Maybe not as much now that he’d retrieved Lili’s Braids
8. Old Song Handed Down
An old photograph, it’s in your eyes
The treble clef, the key, the ties
Would there be any more of you?
In the family line who played music too?
Did you stray a little from the score?
Did you ever try to add anything more?
Did you ever try to make things up?
Just little riffs & stuff?
What kind of music did you play?
The kind that makes hard times go away?
Ancient tunes that were passed along?
Was anybody writing songs?
Did people think of you as odd?
Did they think it came from the devil or G-d?
Did they ever tell you to keep quiet?
Did you suffer when you had to deny it?
People probably didn’t play guitars
There wouldn’t have been any popular stars
Who’d come around, who you’d have heard
There was no way to spread the word
Nobody had a radio
Record player or a stereo
No Ipod and no tv
No cassettes and no cds
You had a violin and you had a bow
How far away did you have to go?
To get where no one else could hear
So you could play it loud and clear?
Did you have such a secret place
Where you could go and know the Grace?
A river bank or a favorite tree
Somewhere you could just be free?
As I go from town to town
Small glimpses are all that I’ve found
Would you recognize these sounds?
Are they like the old songs handed down?
When you used to sit & play
Would everyone and everything go away?
Was there anyone else who understood
Anywhere in the neighborhood?
Or anywhere else for miles around?
The next little village, even the next town?
Did you ever see the city 50 miles away?
Did you ever get to hear an orchestra play?
In the village market or the few little shops
Could you get a new string if one ever popped?
Your first violin, who gave it to you?
Was it handed down, was it made for you?
Or did you get to go and pick it out?
In the local shops were Jews allowed?
Did your parents have to sacrifice for years?
Was it music to their ears?
If we could just sit one night under the stars
The same constellations, the very same Mars
Not talk about neocons, or about czars
All I want to do is pick the guitar
You can tune up that fiddle & rosin the bow
If you want we could give it a go
I only really know 3 or 4 chords
I slide this capo thing up the fingerboard
I wonder who you’d be today
Or I’d be back then and what we’d play
A gypsy tune, a Russian waltz
One of mine or something classical
For now I’ll blow kisses, for now I send love
And if you can listen from somewhere above
I hope you can hear that it comes from a place
An old photograph, a familiar face
As I go from town to town
Small glimpses are all that I’ve found
Would you recognize these sounds?
Are they like the old songs handed down?
9. The Man Who Blew Kisses
The man who blew kisses stood out in the crowd
He wasn’t so tall & he wasn’t loud
I couldn’t tell you how he was dressed
But of everyone there I remember him best
The man who blew kisses was simple & free
He never considered how people might see him
He walked on the water & swam through the air
No trepidation & without a care
The man who blew kisses lives in a home
He isn’t allowed to go out on his own
Wherever they take him he’s happy to go
He loves everybody & lets them all know
The man who blew kisses, blew them at me
It tickled my heart & it buckled my knee
It made my voice crack & it righted all wrongs
I blew kisses back at the end of the songs
The man who blew kisses in front of the stage
Knew nothing of jealousy, nothing of rage
Nothing of prejudice, nothing of shame
He’d never been broken, never been tamed
The man who blew kisses, he misses some things
But he was catching my drift, he had air in his wings
His head was a’ rocking, he was clapping his hands
He was stomping his feet, he was doing a dance
The man who blew kisses eats tulips for lunch
And probably rainbows but that’s just a hunch
Sunshine & pixie dust mixed in his punch
Daisies for breakfast he eats by the bunch
The man who blew kisses will blow them at you
He blows them at anyone, no matter who
And I thought to myself in the middle of all this
That the song I was singing was but a kiss
10. The 9:30 Pint
It’s not so big a town and I know all of the locals
Some come in to read newspapers some forget their bifocals
Strangers find a home here - trust me I have seen all kinds
9:30 in the morning is when I start pouring pints
The 9:30 pint it can set the morning right
For the one who just got off after working all night
It’s a stop along the way as he makes his journey home
Before he pulls the curtains closed and disconnects the phone
The 9:30 pint for whomever wanders in
It’s not for me to wonder or ask where they might’ve been
If they passed out in the bushes or if they caught a couple winks
I don’t make it my business to know why they need a drink
If you’ve been at it all night & you just have to have one more
Or if you need a cup of coffee I’ll be happy to pour
If you just need a place to sit to warm up or unwind
I’ll be right over here pouring these 9:30 pints
The 9:30 pint - perhaps to start a person’s day
Who am I to judge? And who am I to say?
If they leave here happier than when they first come in
I’ll be here tomorrow morning should the punter call again
The 9:30 pint is one I’m glad to pour
I’m grateful for the business that comes in through the door
So what’re you having sir? Now...what’s it gonna be?
I can tell you’re not a local - are you from across the sea?
So top of the morning to you - it’s another fine day
I turn away no one - I have bills to pay
See that pub across the street...the one up top the hill?
If I don’t pour the early one - you can bet they will
So before you rush to judgement & condemn a decent man
Allow me to introduce myself & offer you my hand
I’m just your friendly publican & you’re very welcome here
I open at 9:30 - you don’t have to drink a beer
11. Armitage Shanks
A couple of pints’ll gonna usually do you
Doesn’t take long to go right through you
Make room for more, empty the tanks
Off you’re gonna go to the Armitage Shanks
You hope & you pray there won’t be a queue
An “out of order” sign or a surprise for you
That won’t go away when you turn the crank
When you finally arrive at the Armitage Shanks
Armitage Shanks, Armitage Shanks
Let us be grateful, let us give thanks
May we never regret the drinks we drank
Praise be the name of Armitage Shanks
One too many’ll give you the spins
Make you a little weak in the shins
Here’s to the one whose sorry head hangs
Over the side of the Armitage Shanks
Sometimes they’ll tell you it’s just for customers’ use
You ask real nice and they still refuse
You would give all the money you’ve got in the bank
If they wouldn’t be so stingy with their Armitage Shanks
Armitage Shanks, Armitage Shanks
Let us be grateful, let us give thanks
May we never regret the drinks we drank
Praise be the name of Armitage Shanks
It’s the last song before the break
You can’t sit still and your kidney aches
Just a wee bit longer while I fill in some blanks
Then you’ll appreciate even more the Armitage Shanks
And now as you sit there - listening to me
You’ve been drinking pints - and you all have to pee
Wouldn’t it be a pretty good prank
To have 65 verses of Armitage Shanks?
65 verses to Armitage Shanks
65 different ways that we could give thanks
I know for you that there’s only one
I’m gonna end this song soon - and then you all can run
Meanwhile, don’t think of rivers, don’t think of creeks
Chase away thoughts about pipes that leak
Or faucets dripping, or balloons going “bang”
Until after you’ve been to the Armitage Shanks
Armitage Shanks, Armitage Shanks
Let us be grateful, let us give thanks
May we never regret the drinks we drank
Praise be the name of Armitage Shanks
Know how to spell Mississippi?
M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I……..P-P……..I
That’s how you spell Mississippi
M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I……..P-P……..I
Armitage Shanks, Armitage Shanks
Let us be grateful, let us give thanks
May we never regret the drinks we drank
Praise be the name of Armitage Shanks
12. Take it Out Back
Ashes from the wood stove filling up the bucket
Spilling out the top, so where am I gonna chuck it?
Take it out the back door to where I never mow
Find a little spot that no one’ll ever go to
Take it out back and dump it in the river
Take it out back and throw it in the woods
Take it out back and chuck it down the hillside
Keep the front yard looking good
That old tv - it quit on me brother
Ten years ago - I got me another
First one’s sitting out by the porch swing
With the fridge and the stove and a bunch of other things
Take it out back and dump it in the river
Take it out back and throw it in the woods
Take it out back and chuck it down the hillside
Keep the front yard looking good
That rusty old car - it’s got no motor
If it had any gas I’d try to explode her
Hubcaps, hoods, and old transmissions
Take ‘em to the river - gonna make for good fishing
Take it out back and dump it in the river
Take it out back and throw it in the woods
Take it out back and chuck it down the hillside
Keep the front yard looking good
The food in the fridge - it’s all turned green
And the chicken bones that have been picked clean
Some on the counter - some on the floor
Let’s take ‘em out the back door
Take it out back and dump it in the river
Take it out back and throw it in the woods
Take it out back and chuck it down the hillside
Keep the front yard looking good
13. The Come Heres & The Been Heres
The come heres and the been heres
They don’t get along
I’d been there 15 minutes
And I knew something was wrong
The waitress wasn’t friendly
And neither was the cook
Until I asked how far it was
To the town of Stony Brook
The come heres live in cabins
The been heres live in shacks
They’ll say hello in passing
Talk behind each others’ backs
White collars versus rednecks
Horses versus mules
The city kids they come here
Make the teachers look like fools
The come heres come with laptops, Wifi, and DVR’s
Some of them have GPS’s inside their hybrid cars
They want to make no smoking zones
In all the public places
They want to pass an ordinance outlawing turkey races
The ancestors of been heres , they came here early on
When there were just the Indians
And once they were gone
They claimed themselves the new world
There was lots to go around
Carved up a bunch of properties
And they built this little town
Now the come heres nearly have the votes
To make one of ‘em mayor
In the last election they won half the council chairs
They took over the school board and
outlawed the morning prayers
They’re teaching evolution and sex education there
The come heres have their pussycats
And their little white french poodles
The been heres have their hound dogs
With names like Yankee Doodle
The come heres like to watch the ducks
And sometimes they will feed ‘em
The been heres like to shotgun ‘em &
And take ‘em home & eat ‘em
The been heres do their drinking
In a been here owned saloon
But in that brand new micro-brewery
There’s a separate dining room
Only at the K-mart or the Wal-mart do they mix
They think of one another as carrot nibblers & hicks
The come heres keep a coming
New ones every day
They come for second chances
The new world, as they say
They buy & sell these properties
For unheard of amounts
The come heres keep a’ coming
Building up this little town
The come heres and the been heres
Two towns that overlap
You wouldn’t even see it by just looking at a map
I was there at Christmas time when a tree was just a tree
And you couldn’t tell whose kids were who’s
Sitting there on Santa’s knee
The come heres & the been heres
There’s talk about a fence
The whole town is divided
Half for and half against
14. Trees Falling
See where they’re putting in a Wal-Mart
See how they level the field
The community banded against it
But there was a backroom deal
Trees one day begin falling
Bulldozers tear up the grass
Just down the road from the superstore
Shopkeepers are boarding up glass
See where they’re gonna put that highway
They’re talking about 8 lanes
Running it right through a neighborhood
Invoking eminent domain
Trees one day begin falling
Bulldozers clear away bricks
A neighborhood is divided
Alternative plans are nixed
See where they’re gonna build a ballpark
It’s a developer’s dream
We give him $ 500 million
Or else we might lose our team
The money’ll come from the city
We’ll vote on it until the day it passes
All of our local schools
Will have to do without music classes
See where they’re putting in those mansions
Clearing out a bunch of these woods
Putting in a gated community
Where security’ll be real good
Trees one day begin falling
To open up mountain views
They put in a road to the waterfalls
And now they charge admission to it
Say you live out in the country
Up a steep mountain side
A holy little oasis
Nothing but peace & quiet
Trees one day begin falling
Somebody’s moving in
Building a house right on top of you
He says he wants to be your friend
Trees one day begin falling
Bulldozers clearing a path
For a really different future
No brakes - just stepping on the gas
15. La Migra Viene
The mornings were chilly
The air was crisp
As a Striped or a Red
Or a Golden Delicious
A couple of tortillas
Coffee with rum
By the time the sun came up
You’d have half a bin done
The trees were like temples
Was a holiness to ‘em
You’d pick out the bottoms
& Then all the way through ‘em
Up on a ladder
Out on a limb
The trees were like temples
I liked being in ‘em
Fernando amazed me
He was the quickest
18 bins
In a day he could do
I got 9 once
But that was with big fruit
I worked only as hard as
I needed to
Sometimes, though
On the nicest of days
Somebody would whistle
And my friends would run away
They were yelling...
La Migra, La Migra
La Migra viene
Andele! Andele!
Run! Run!
They leapt from their ladders
To the next nearest orchard
Spreading the word
That La Migra was coming
My Spanish was stiff
A little too formal
I cracked ‘em up
& They taught me to cuss
And you can bet I was cussing
When they all went a’ running
You can bet I was cussing
At the big yellow bus
The vans brought ‘em in ‘till the
Bus was all loaded
Sometimes whole families
At least you’d have thought...
They’d be back the next week
Up on their ladders
Giving new names
The next time they got caught
Sometimes, though
On the nicest of days
Somebody would whistle
And my friends would run away
They were yelling...
La Migra La Migra
La Migra viene
Andele! Andele!
Run! Run!
They leapt from their ladders
To the next nearest orchard
Spreading the word
That La Migra was coming
16. Letters In The Dirt
Me & you, we never booed Richie Allen
I never understood why people did
He hit a homer every time he stepped up to the plate
That’s what I remember as a kid
Richie in the field out there by first base
The target of some mighty foul words
With his shoes he’d scrawl between the pitched
“B-O-O” in great big letters in the dirt
Philly fans, they’ve been known to get nasty
When Joe must go, they’ll run him out of town
I saw Santa get hit by a snowball
And then get hit again when he was down
Me & you, we never booed Richie Allen
Even if he did sometimes strike out
I was too young to read the papers
To know what all that booing was about
That big collapse of ‘64 was ugly
They blew a lead of 6 & 1/2 games with 12 to play
Some might say their fans were justifiably angry
World Series tickets printed up in vain
Philly fans, they’ve been known to get nasty
When Joe must go, they’ll run him out of town
I saw Santa get hit by a snowball
And then get hit again when he was down
This was before the days of the million dollar contracts
Before the days of the artificial grass
He stood a bit outside the lines
Which made him fair game for those times
Richie Allen never kissed a white man’s ass
Me & you, we never booed Richie Allen
We’d pound our mitts & we’d yell, “We want a hit”
How could they call a guy a bum after he’d just hit a home run?
That didn’t make any sense to a kid
Now I’ve since found out all these days later
Now I know alot more than I did
And if back then you knew, Daddy,
Why all those other people booed...
Thanks for letting me have my heroes as a kid
17. Talk To My Lawyer
I was walking outside of City Hall
I slipped & I had a terrible fall
It was negligence on the part of I don’t care who
I fell so hard I was seeing stars
Dollar signs and men from Mars
And the man who helped me up said I ought to sue
(He was a lawyer...he was all out of breath)
Once I had an accident
Not too bad, just a little dent
A new Mercedes hit me from the rear
Man got out in a 3 piece suit
And asked if a thousand dollars would do
I said, “Well, let me think for a minute here”
I’m gonna talk to my lawyer
I might have whiplash
I might have trauma
Let’s not talk petty cash
I’ve got a witness
To put a hand on the Bible
Jury jury, hallelujahYou might be liable
My Momma said to Uncle Jim,
“I just don’t know what’s wrong with him...
That son of mine is a no-good big wazoo”
Well, I have never overheard such a bunch
of slanderous words
I’ll tell you Momma, I’ve got a mind to sue
I’m gonna talk to my lawyer
Momma, that was vicious
Defamation of character
Wrongful and malicious
I’ve got a witness
To put a hand on the Bible
Jury jury, hallelujah
You might be liable
I was trying to open up my map
When I spilled some coffee on my lap
How was I supposed to know it was going to be hot?
I went back to that fast-food place
To the manager with the happy face
I said, “I want the name of whoever brewed that pot”
I’m gonna talk to my lawyer
I think I’ve got a pretty good case
All I need are some crutches
Maybe I’ll put on a neck brace
I’ve got a witness
To put a hand on the Bible
Jury jury, hallelujah
Somebody’s liable
18. Two Left Feet
There was one certain girl I was hoping to meet
Would have asked her to dance but for my two left feet
She wasn’t sitting with anyone else
I was just sitting there all by myself
I said I didn’t dance, I have two left feet
To this other girl, standing over me in my seat
Besides it wasn’t really my kind of beat
And this wasn’t the girl I was hoping to meet
I wasn’t attracted, not on first glance
She wouldn’t go away, I didn’t want to dance
She lifted me up to my two left feet
My eyes went to the girl I was hoping to meet
I was thinking I could make a break for the door
But she pulled me out there onto the dance floor
The band started in on an old fashioned waltz
She didn’t lead so I did by default
It was awkward enough, those very first steps
I stepped on her right toes and then on her left
Evading her eyes I tried to be discreet
Keeping tabs on the girl I was hoping to meet
Her hand on my waist made me relax
She moved it up to the small of my back
Touching a nerve, I shot her a glance
She said “I thought you told me you couldn’t dance
She pointed down at my right foot
Going to all the right places, wherever I’d put it
She followed me when I spun her around
And when I dipped her all the way down
The way her hair fell back, and hung to the floor
The way we locked eyes then, and forevermore
The thing about beauty, and I don’t know why
Sometimes you don’t see it ‘till it pokes you in the eye
The one song ended & another began
We exchanged names and applauded the band
I guess I never did let go of her hand
For the next couple hours we danced & we danced
Now we go out dancing every Saturday night
She dresses up and she’s quite a sight
This was the girl I didn’t want to meet
But that was the guy with two left feet
19. We Are Each Other’s Angels
I hope I see you later
‘cause it’s time for me to go
That’s my ride that just pulled over
and it sure was good to know you
So go answer your calling
go and fill somebody’s cup
And if you see an angel falling
won’t you stop and help them up?
We are each other’s angels
We meet when it is time
We keep each other going
And we show each other signs
Sometimes you’ll stumble
sometimes you’ll just lie down
Sometimes you’ll get lonely
with all these people around
You might shiver when the wind blows
and you might get blown away
You might lose a little color
you might lose a little faith
We are each other’s angels
We meet when it is time
We keep each other going
And we show each other signs
Thank you for the water
Thought I was gonna die out here in the desert
but you quenched my thirst
Let’s break a little bread together
I’ve got a little Manna - it was a gift
From someone who was passing by
And offered me a lift
We are each other’s angels
We meet when it is time
We keep each other going
And we show each other signs
20. Our Gods
We worship our gods - we buy souvenirs
Admire our trinkets - in front of our mirrors
A hat with a cross - a shirt with a star
The names of our teams - tattooed on our arms
We’re given our gods at the moment of birth
The gods of our fathers- all others be cursed
At the earliest age - we memorize verse
The gospel - as it is written
We swear at our gods - curse our rotten luck
From the side of the road - when we self-destruct
We ask them to save us - to get us unstuck
From the muck we get ourselves into
Temples of stained glass - hand cut stones
We build for our gods - such magnificent homes
We visit sometimes - but we don’t stay long
Not when the football games are on
We make deals with our gods - to win back what we’ve lost
In our pants pockets - our fingers are crossed
Lord, give us this day - make these prosperous times
Help us - to cover our crimes
We go to the seers - say, “Show us the script
That our gods have left for us - stashed in some crypt”
“Ah, secrets,” they say - “what has never been told...
Yours...for a pile of your gold”
We kill for our gods - we wage holy wars
Assassinate presidents - burn down bookstores
Massacre children to - settle old scores
Yelling, “Our gods are great!”
Our gods must be proud - of the blood on our hands
And the way we go conquering - far away lands
In the names of our gods - may the glory be theirs
Let the spoils & the plunders be ours
We serve our gods - in such humorless ways
Rituals we do - laws we obey
Sometimes in between we pray
But how often do we say “I love you?”
21. The Boys in the Back Room
The boys in the back room
Who use to run the city
Anyway they wanted to
They were stealing from the kitty
Stomping out their cigars
Any place they wanted to
What you could go to jail for
They could do in front of you
The boys in the back room
Sat on the commissions
That were supposed to regulate
Factory emissions
Toxins in the air
Toxins in the water
These were our protectors
They were sanctioning the slaughter
The boys in the back room
Didn’t like attention
Drawn to their activities
Which the paper never mentioned
Thanks to the editor
Who was a good ol’ friend of theirs’
So was the police chief
And also the developers
The boys in the back room
Went golfing every Sunday
They had a game of pinochle
That happened every Monday
Tuesdays were the meetings
Where the public was invited
Where they went through all the motions
But no wrongs were ever righted
The boys in the back room
On Wednesdays traded favors
They had a secret handshake
And other such behavior
They fixed traffic tickets
Granted exemptions and waivers
Awarded city contracts
To associates and neighbors
The boys in the back room
Were desperate to hold on
Assassinating characters
Of whoever might’ve told on them
But the day did finally come
When they stood before a jury
Some were sent to prison
It was a one paragraph story
The boys in the back room
Who just used to make the rules
Any way they wanted to
They thought they still had the people fooled
22. On Christmas I Got Nothing
My family never roasted chestnuts on an open fire
Never went around the neighborhood singing carols with a choir
Never went to Midnight Mass & sat on cold hard pews
My family, we had different views
I never had to be good just for goodness sake
On Christmas Eve I didn’t try to keep myself awake
Listening for sleigh bells or looking for a mouse
Santa always skipped over our house
Jimmy got a train set with a shiny new caboose
Billy, an erector set, with nuts & bolts & screws
Tammy got a kit for making cheese fondues
But on Christmas I got nothing, ‘cause we were Jews
We never put up trimmings ‘cause we never had a tree
I wouldn’t know a mistletoe from a torpedo’s knee
I never sat on Santa’s lap, but hey, if Jesus was a Jew...
Wouldn’t that make Santa be one too?
I used to hate when it was cold enough for
Christmas to be white
Never hung a wreath of holly
Or strung the yard with lights
Those other houses looked so pretty
But the electricity they must’ve used!
We lit candles, ‘cause we were Jews
Annie got a bright red pair of kangaroo shoes
Kathy got some soaps & an assortment of shampoos
Even Buffy’s dingo got some brand new rawhide chews
But on Christmas I got nothing, ‘cause we were Jews
Sometimes we ate chicken and sometimes we ate lamb
Sometimes we ate turkey but we never had a ham
I never did like eggnog or those wine & cider brews
We drank Mogen David, ‘cause we were Jews
Jenny got a bike she had to wait ‘till Spring to use
Tommy from across the street, he got his front tooth
Joshua got a horn so he could learn to play the blues
But I already had some...
23. The Goodbye Kid
The Goodbye Kid checks his watch
The hour is late and the night is hot
He wipes the sweat from off his brow
“What time is it?” you ask, and he says, “Now”
The Goodbye Kid - on his arm is a coat
In case it gets cold, and he clears his throat
The speech he’d prepared - you were expecting to hear
But then he whispers, “I love you” in your ear
“I can’t leave without these” - he reaches under your chair
And picks up his keys - says, “I don’t know how they got there...
And how I wish I could stay - at least another day more”
Says the Goodbye Kid with one foot out the door
The Goodbye Kid - he’s been around the block
Looking for a parking place - couldn’t find a spot
That’s him out there - with the hazards on
The Goodbye Kid, and he can’t stay long
Did you get too close to the Goodbye Kid?
Did he leave too soon? Or was it you who did?
Did you take your heart back behind closed doors
And listen ‘till you couldn’t hear the sound of his engine anymore
The Goodbye Kid checks his map
Inside his head that’s upon your lap
He holds your hand while he plans his route
Those places & those dates are so absolute
The Goodbye Kid - he’s a one man band
Towns a nobody goes - he does a one night stand
A hundred nights in a row - they always end like this
They even start sometimes with a goodbye kiss
The Goodbye Kid - he’s thinking of you
And you say, “Sure...and all those other girls too...
So where ya’ calling from?” - He says a Texaco
The Goodbye Kid calling to say hello
The Goodbye Kid - he leaves a rose
A little bud with its petals still closed
“Would you tend to it - and see that it lives?”
Reads the little card signed by the Goodbye Kid
Did you get too close to the Goodbye Kid?
Did he leave too soon? Or was it you who did?
Did you take your heart back behind closed doors
And listen ‘till you couldn’t hear the sound of his engine anymore
The Goodbye Kid...checks his watch
24. Blow ‘em Away
Every morning I commute
Mild mannered man in a business suit
I want to get home at the end of my day
But there are all these other cars in my way
I pull up behind one...pull out my pistol...
And I blow ‘em away
I’m driving my car & I want to go fast
But there’s a slow car...won’t let me pass
I flash my lights & I honk my horn
I have to consider him warned
I pull up behind him...pull out my pistol...
And I blow ‘em away
Jesse James behind the wheel
It’s high noon in my automobile
You can call me crazy...you can call me sick
Just let me get where I’m going to quick
Son-of-a-bitch...he cut me off
Three whole lanes he cut across
Made me mad...made me swerve
Son-of-a-bitch, he got what he deserved
I pulled up behind him...pulled out my pistol...
I blew him away
Motorcycle driving between
The backed up traffic...right between the lanes
Y’know, to me...that’s an act of war
I saw him coming...I opened my door
Knocked him over...pulled out my pistol...
And I blew him away
Jesse James behind the wheel
It’s high noon in my automobile
You can call me crazy...you can call me sick
Just let me get where I’m going to quick
Little red sports car...flying past
Made me jealous...he went so fast
I gave him the finger...I thumbed my nose
Took me fifty miles for me to get close enough
To pull up behind him...pull out my pistol...
And blow ‘em away
Little old lady...bless her heart
Walking her poodle across the boulevard
It was wearing a red knitted sweater
And a red knitted hat
Its name was Fifi...or something stupid like that
I said, “Here Fifi”...pulled out my pistol...